Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize