okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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