yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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