I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
