Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
