look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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