haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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