i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
