so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
