Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
