Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
