I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
