fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize