Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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