I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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