Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
