Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
