Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
