I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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