How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
