My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
love makes seman taste better
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
