I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
