I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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