the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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