She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
