Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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