You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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