I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
