Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
