I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
