my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
