He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
