we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Be still, my beating vagina.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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