im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
