I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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