I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
