Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i dont even know how to be here
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
