Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize