Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
