Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
