How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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