I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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