Where is the hickey?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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