He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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