all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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