Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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