is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
