I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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