When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
