Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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