Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
