We're like a lot better than the average bears
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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