one two three fourrrrnication!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
