so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
