i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
