The maid of honor just puked.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
