i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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