You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
