soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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