I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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