; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
