I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
