you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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