yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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