Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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