i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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