i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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