Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
