I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
