Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How external is "for external use only"?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
