It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
