girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
