My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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