I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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