i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
