I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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