Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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