as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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