Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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