I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize